Let’s face it; smartphones are an integral part of our lives. But, for some of us, these nifty technological inventions have also invaded our sex lives.
Think about it, we now have everything from faux happy couples and overinflated “Instagram Stars” to a variety of dating apps and porn sites available 24/7 at our fingertips. And, who or what do we have to thank for this influx of accessibility – our indispensable smartphones.
What happened to romance and intimate connections? Your smartphone ate them. Seriously. Some people even bring their smartphones in the bed with them.
And, others pull their smartphones out right after having mind-blowing sex just to brag about having mind-blowing sex. Then, there are the ones, who use their smartphones to keep up with their many conquests.
Back in the day, there were no smartphones. Heck, there weren’t many cellphones around either. If you managed to get your hands on one, it was oversized and cumbersome. And, back in the day, the only way many of us could call our “honeys” was by…the payphone.
Remember those? But…then, all of sudden, cellphones and then smartphones started booming. And, after a few years, anyone and everyone had one. There began the rise of smartphones and the downfall of millions of sex lives.
It probably never dawned on you that your smartphone could be wrecking your sex life. But, it may be doing just that.
You are in luck because this article will teach you the ways your smartphone may be killing your sex life, so you can manage it without it managing you.
Below are ways your smartphones could be ruining your sex life:
The rise of smartphones has led to porn obsessions or addictions or overindulgences. How is porn messing up your sex life? Well, it is creating unrealistic sexual expectations and it’s too easy to obtain – because of smartphones.
And, guess what? Because it’s so easy to obtain, it’s so easy to become distracted by – i.e. what you see on your screen right before you have sex with your partner. So, while you are thinking about that hot naked redhead doing flips during sex, your partner is getting the shaft.
In other words, she’s only getting a shell of you, which means you two aren’t connecting like you should. Then, two things can happen – (1) your partner detects that you’re not giving her all of you, which leads to massive blowups and/or (2) you begin experiencing porn-induced erectile dysfunction (ED).
More specifically, you lose your ability to maintain an erection long enough to have sex, because your mind is on other things, namely porn. And, believe it or not – excessive porn-watching can lead to changes in your brain activity and thought processes, leading to ED. It can also lead to desensitization towards sex, especially if you view large amounts of abnormally kinky, violent, or deviant porn.
And, (3), for some men, it can lead to sexual performance anxiety. These men try to reproduce what they see on these porn sites and when that’s impossible, they blame themselves, leading to porn-induced performance anxiety.
So, what should you do if you are too wrapped up in porn? It is okay to watch porn, but if you’re watching it 24/7 and allowing it to dictate how you and/or your partner should behave during sex, then that’s a problem.
So, either curb your porn-watching (i.e. from every day to only before you have sex or a couple times a week instead of every day) or invite your partner to watch it with you. It will make her feel included and provide you with your porn fix.
2. Social Media Sites
The second way smartphones may be affecting your sex life is through social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. While these sites are fantastic for connecting with family and friends – near and far, it’s easy to become obsessed with them.
And, because these sites have become extremely popular, young men and women have made it a goal to become “Instagram Famous” as a way to stand out amongst their peers. These social media sites have become their lives, affecting their ability to connect and be intimate with the people right in front of them.
And, even when people are able to pull away, their minds stay focused on what’s happening, while they are “away.” As a result, they can’t “see” or “experience” what is happening to them or in front of them, because their minds are on these social media sites. This causes a disconnect not only in the bedroom, but in their lives, as well.
What should you do if you have a hard time putting down your smartphone during sex, because of your obsession with social media sites? Talk to your partner and set a time for you to put up your smartphones – i.e. at 6:00pm every evening. Then, don’t pick them up again until morning.
Put them somewhere you can’t see them and tell your friends and family that you won’t have access to your phones until the next morning. Then, concentrate on each other. In other words, tune back into each other. It will not only help your relationship, but also help you kick your addiction to social media.
3. Dating Apps
Let’s be honest – dating apps are ruining sex lives all around the globe. How? Well, since the rise of smartphones and dating apps, people have forfeited meeting people face-to-face. Now, everything, including dating, and even hookups are scheduled online.
Most people don’t meet others naturally and start dating anymore. Now people find potential partners on dating apps – have sex and go about their merry ways.
And, even in cases, where the two individuals meet and date, there’s still something missing that comes from old-fashioned dating. Once again, the romance and connection is missing.
So, what should you do if dating apps are impacting your sex life? Go out and meet people! Get to know them and spend time with them.
Don’t rely on dating apps, even though they are easier and more accessible, because you can’t really get to know someone that way. The end result? One fantastic sex life.
Since the rise of smartphones, more and more people have been texting like crazy – before sex, during sex, and after sex. There have even been people to stop during sex just to text someone else back. And, guess what happened? The vibe disappeared. Poof.
Don’t text during sex, heck don’t even do it before or after it either because it’s a real turn-off to women. Women want their partner’s attention to feel sexy and wanted, and when your eyes are glued to your smartphone, they don’t get that. The result? A frustrated and angry partner. What happens next? Nothing. No sex.
So, what should you do if you text way too much? Put your phone in another room and turn off the ringer. If your phone isn’t near you, it will be hard to text someone back, when your phone pings. Just put your phone up and concentrate on the sexy woman lying beside you.
Smartphones have impacted our lives in some many ways, and although this article focuses on sex, they can cause damage in many areas of our lives – if we let them. The purpose of sex isn’t just to procreate or be “entertained,” it’s also to connect and bond with others.
Humans are social beings, and because of that, we need genuine and intimate interactions to thrive. And, the only way we can develop and maintain these relationships is to put down our smartphones and concentrate on what’s in front of us. So, put down that phone and get to work!
Dr. R.Y. Langham holds a Master of Science in marriage and family therapy and a Ph.D in family psychology. She serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs for men and couples experiencing premature ejaculation.